Life is a one way trip.

Listening to Nickelback's album in the background: Photograph. Makes me miss the times when I was in school. Way way back when I was in school, with uniforms, prefects and teachers we loved to hate. I kinda miss it.

I miss the times when I was second guessing which guy to have a crush on next. I miss it when all I had to worry about was the next monthly test and which homework I forgot to complete. I miss the way we girls gossipped and giggled behind the good looking prefect and his much hated girlfriend walking next to him. We listened to corny tunes from boy bands and remade cover versions. We ate unbalanced meals and never worried about the level of carbohydrates we're taking in. We pick out the greens from our meals. Then, thought twice about brushing with toothpaste when we found out there was magnesium inside it. We hung on the phone, day and night and day, never noticing the phone bills our parents had to pay. We plastered our bedroom walls with posters of celebrities that invade our dreams in the night. We fought with our siblings, telling them we hate them down to their chilly bones. We watched movies together, football matches, comedies, horror films and avoided anything done in black and white. We laughed in victories, cried in failures: sometimes alone, sometimes in a group, sometimes with our parents, at times with our girl friends. We were saps in cinemas but lionesses in shopping trips. We own 5 pairs of shoes and fifteen more hidden in the closets. We admire the girls in magazines but declared the same bunch: idiots, when they went bulimic to look like how they did. We had first kisses and dumb wishes. We had broken friendships and farewells. We went out into the world with new hopes and dreams.

Then we grew up. And now we write in blogs instead.

God, I missed those days.

Taylor won

For once, America got it right. Naahh, I was just kidding. I think Kelly C is great, Clay is scary ( I know rueben won but we ain't hearing him now), Fantasia disappeared, Carrie is boring but pretty and well, now we got Mr. Hicks, Mr. Soul Patrol himself. Frankly, I thought that it was going to be a showdown between Katharine and Chris because.. well because they're both "pretty".

By the way, my favourite is elliot. He really is an inspiration to us all.

I take offence that they called Taylor the underdog before the finals because no way is Katharine better than he is. The same level, MAYBE, but no way is Katharine better than him. For one thing, she grins even through a sad ballad. A singer is supposed to feel the song and make everyone else feel the same emotion but she... she.. she ruined it. And what about all that negative talk about women having to work harder than men do to get to the same level crap? She's in the finals, isn't she? It's like she gave up and KNEW she was going to lose even before performing. That is not good. That is not an idol's attitude and that does not deserve winning any votes.

Seriously though, I'm writing here because I overheard a colleague talk about how old Taylor looked when she accidentally flipped the channel into American Idol's finale last night. She never watched it before because ... she's more interested in the Malaysian Idol version. Well, she was asking another colleague why Taylor looked so old.. and I thought, as if that matters? The guy can sing. And singing is the thing we are looking for in the American Idol, right? Apparently yes, but to actually survive in the recording artiste's world, you need good looks and for once, I have to agree with that colleague ( I never do in anything else) on the subject of an idol looking good.

Still, I really hope for the best for Taylor. To say he deserved it is a little shallow because in terms of performances, he is up there but still not at the peak. But America has spoken and Taylor has been crowned the fifth (and oldest, they HAD to put that in) American Idol.

Congratulations dude. Loved you in Jailhouse rock. Never stop dancing.

Borderline

The word borderline can be used to describe levels or an area (space) but for me, it can also be used to describe something that is filled (or pushed) to the brim, which is running a risk of overflowing. Patience, I'm talking about patience here. I know, when it comes to work, if you come across anything that you do not find to your liking, you should just walk it off or *smoke it off...

*God forbid I resort to taking nicotine to calm my nerves.

... in short, you should just ignore it and forget about it once you leave the office. I am trying to learn that. Still trying. Yet, sometimes I wish I could just sit down with the person who is doing all the pushing to the brim thing and then take off my shoes and ask them to step into them. I step into other people's shoes all the time, so I can keep myself from going over the limit and prevent myself from becoming too hard to work with. I wish most people could do the same, but hey, wishful thinking, do it often enough and you start to hurt.

Ok, back to borderline. Do you know tat feeling where you feel like something is stuck in that imaginary area between the neck and the chest? stopping the air from coming into the lungs and stopping the blood from going to your brain, that kind of feeling? You don't? Well, good for you then. Cause i'm feelin' it all the time nowadays, and I don't wish anyone else to feel the same. Perhaps it is a prerequisite to future days of high blood pressure and heart attacks. Everyone knows it runs in my family. Everyone who knows anyways. Three out of four of my grandparents succumbed to it. The last one is smoking non-stop for her life. Yes, ironic. it is.

Worst thing of all is that the brim-pusher is making unreasonable demands that I cannot deliver, not because I don't want to, but because I can't. Company policy, yada yada yada. Bottom line is.. I can't deliver what she wants. Anyway, that isn't the problem. The problem is.. how do I tell her... that she can't get what she wants... without sounding like... I'm actually happy about it.. :) Ooo ooo, the pain coming back. Yup, never a good sign.. never good.

A change for the better

There was a meeting at work today. All of us in the same floor attended the meeting. The chairperson (our manager) told us that word got out about how lenient she was with us. She will start issuing warning notes and if circumstances require her to do so, issue a warning letter over any of our misconducts. To me, I think this should have happened sooner as the discipline at our floor is just.. non-existant.

There are people who are flexible with everything and there are others who couldn't care less of any rules or regulation. There are also people who think that rules allow them to function better and minimizes the bad effects of a [team] member's wrongdoing. I belong to the third if I am a subordinate, the second if I do not like how management is managing the workforce and the first if everyone understands where they stand and where their place is. Sadly, I am currently none of the above as no one is keeping tab nor were there any need to be any of those.. until today.

Someone must have done something as the new regulations the chairperson presented in the meeting actually made sense of a company that is bound to improve in the future. Open suggestions by the workers will be accepted, positive attitudes to the work will be acknowledged and work quality will be a basis to what we are there to do. Hopefully, I can look forward to work everyday, challenging myself to the fullest and obtaining benefits for both the company and for me.

Ah.. who am I kidding?

Well, it sounded good when it lasted, but if no one cooperates, it will equal to nothing. At least my manager has someone's support: me :(

company loyalty?

Tis the season to be.. looking for other jobs. Nah, I'm not refering to myself. You know how it is that some people are so loyal to their present company that they can't figure out the real reason for their loyalty in the first place. I mean if the company cannot provide you with what you want in life, there is no reason to stay right? What they can provide is a topic worthy of discussion as it is never limited to monetary resources alone. For instance, some people like the challenge or they just simply like doing what they do at work. Others like the fact that things are slow in the workplace, they can chitchat with their fellow colleagues and live off the water, electricity and other facilities at the office. Whilst even others have relationships with the citizens of the company and thus find it hard to just drop everything and leave for greener pastures. Me, I dono which group I belong to and I am sure that most of you who read this do not necessarily belong to ANY of the groups either. So, why is it that we stay with the company we are working in? Are we afraid of change? Are we too comfortable in the same environment that we have been in in the past 3 to 5 years that we have actually given up the thought of ever leaving the company?

I asked myself that question and the only answer I have is that I have not make my mark here yet. I am not a figure that many people will remember and [by the way I have to take back what I said about overtime being a bad thing and all that, otherwise I'd be reluctant to get anything done for nothing; a low pay is better than no pay. Talk about eating humble pie.] by jove I'd like to be someone who in the future, if my fellow colleagues hear of, they will say "Ah? she's with that other company now? good for them. she's a bargain." Then again, it is not easy to reach that level is it? At my rate, it'll take years to even make a mark on any surface unless I steal from the company or hit a fellow colleague or something. Hey, that is making a name too. I didn't say it has to be a good name.

Living on credit

It annoyed me that the father of two in front of me in the cashier counter is delaying my trip home from the hypermarket by paying for his groceries with a credit card. Who says credit cards are a convenience? They take forever to process, you sign your names about a hundred times to get any payment to go through and the sentence that can immediately strike fear in your heart is "Your card has been rejected, sir." By the way, why in the world would you pay $50 worth of groceries with a credit card instead of cash? If you do not have the cash in your pocket, should you even be shopping for that much material?

I had been offered credit cards several times by strangers through the phone. If it is a survey, I'd say I don't have a credit card. If it is an offer, I'd tell them I have a platinum card already. It is a blatant lie but it is better manners than slamming the phone down on them. If you think I have an unexplained hatred for credit cards, you are partially right. I don't hate credit cards, I 'dislike' the way credit cards are used, in this matter, how they are misused.

Credit cards are not mobile and instant teller machines that spew out cash at your slightest whim. They are, however, instant loans that guarantee high interest returns.. for the credit card company, not for you. In other words, if you don't have that much cash, don't charge it. You will regret later on. Why? Because you will be paying for more than what is listed on the price tag. Think you got a discounted branded handbag? If you charged it to your card, think again. You might as well just save your breath and not ask the salesgirl for a higher discount. You'd be paying more for it to the bank.

Many young adults who are barely in the working scene for a decade succumb to the powers of the credit card. At the end of the race, they wave their white undies and throw in the towel, while the imaginary dog-tag of 'bankruptcy' hand around their already choking necks whilst marring their credit history for the next few years or so. Heck, it beats owing loan sharks. To avoid all this, if you owe it, pay it back as soon as possible and if you can't afford it in cash, don't think you can afford it in plastic.

Signing out,
I use paper.

BB Mountain

I cannot bring myself to watch brokeback mountain. I just can't.

Cowboys have always been, at least to me, a symbol of masculinity. Where all else in the world, guys may flail and develop weird tendencies (that's the lightest possible way I can put it, leave it be), I've always thought that I could rely on the men on horses to be Prince Charming. Heck, even fairy tales have princes dressed in white and riding white horses as they come to the aid of the maiden in distress. But not anymore.

I pity real cowboys out there. All the stares and sniggers. Daily. Hourly. I wonder if rodeo will ever be called a sport again. I wonder if kids will be allowed to dress up as cowboys again.

Well, I don't know about anybody else but I couldn't care less if the movie got the Oscar or not since.. since.. well, usually the Oscar is awarded to movies that no one else apart from the voting commitee understands. But this movie isn't so hard to understand right? Boys can like boys nowadays in the 21st century. Actually, they've been doing it in the Renaissance or whatever the period that was when women were never anorexic and being plump was considered beautiful. However, only people in the 21st century make a movie out of it.

Now, I have no respect for people who reject something even before they try it. Hmm.. that didn't come out right. What I mean to say was that if you haven't tried durian, you wouldn't know if it was tasty or not. At least give it a go and then decide on whether you would prefer your fingers to be free from the foul-smelling beastfruit that others adore like crazy ( me one of them guilty fellas) or not. But here, here I draw the line. I have nothing against people of the same sex loving each other. You love who you want to love. I just ask that you leave all the loving at home, behind closed doors. Not in front of millions of people all over the world. And that goes for those who love people of the opposite sex as well. Everything *swings hands like mad* behind closed doors.

I liked him in First Knight and that is the last image I will keep in my head of Ledger.

What I wouldn't give...

Ya, it's been awhile since I've immersed myself in anything apart from work. Yup, when I enter forms that are labelled "biodata", next to Occupation, I should write 'workaholic'. Wouldn't that be nice.. sike! Compared to last week where everything was hectic as hell and all I could think about is what time I can go and sleep on my comfy bed, this week was a total let-down. It's much more fun where there is something to do, a goal to achieve, a deadline to make, a lingering desire to find that gap of time for where you can be yourself and rest... I find more meaning in life in that sort of condition. This week, I wasted 15 minutes to decide on whether I should have a cup of cocoa or a cup of coffee, and nobody needed me to do nothing in the 15 minutes after that. Sad.. just so sad.

Ah, just have to wait for the next project to come in. but when.. when?